To Listen
by pastery
I have lately been intrigued by the selective hearing and reading. There are plenty of examples. Selective readings of emails. Poor awareness when during a dialogue. The list goes on.
Once one of my mentors told me that the hardest things in life is to listen. It is so true. It is one of the hardest things you can do. Yet it is the most important thing you need to do. I have met too many people who are not really receptive to listen to others. The worse kind are the once who believe they listen but they really don’t. In Buddhism they call it always living in the present why that life philosophy has resonated well with me.
I guess what is the key missing element is to realize and admit that to listen you need to reflect, learn and digest what you hear, see and feel. To grow with the knowledge and input from others. Primarily I think the lack of ability to listen, sincerely read and in many ways feel is directly associated with insecurities within ourselves. When you sit down and listen deeply, you will also have to reflect on yourself, your own proposed solutions or beliefs, your actions and so forth.
You will have to question yourself. Who you are? Where you are? Why you are there? You have to question your own being…
That scares most of us. Oh yes it does. :-) Yet we shouldn’t be scared. It is only facing ourselves. Yet. Maybe we are afraid of ourselves. Facing yourself will always have an awkward and somewhat uncomfort to it. Especially if you find something you didn’t like. Yet that is the opportunity to change that. Ultimately listening to yourself as you listen to others means admitting to yourself you do not possess the almighty knowledge so many so dearly aspire. It is admitting that you are human. Admitting you are not free of faults. In there lies the essential key for growing as person, human being as well as a growing and maturing soul. I find comfort in knowing I am not perfect.
The person who claims they are free of faults is living in ignorance. It is actually rather ridiculous thinking that. We all makes mistakes. All the time. We all have our flaws, imperfections and desires. That is really the cool part of life. Living the life as it is. In all its glory. Good emotions. Bad emotions. Happiness. Sadness. Desire. Lust. Pretty much any feeling you can imagine. Embrace them. Force yourself to understand them and live them.
It took me some time to realize it and there has been many ones helping me realize that – some people on the path likely, some not very likely, some unaware of it, some aware of it. A very dear person to me once said that you’ve only made a mistake if you repeat it. One time is no time. So true. When you admit that to yourself you will also see that in the interaction with others and with yourself, you will grow a better understanding of you. Who you are. Why you are who you are. Why you react as you do. Why you feel the feelings you do. The good ol’ cliche that you have to admit to yourself that you have a “problem”, even though I prefer not to see anything as problems. Yep, I know. The ignorant part of me. Joking. :-)
Why does is admitting your shortcomings and bad actions so important?
The key to solving any problem and situation is defining it, understanding the problem. Only then will you solve the problem, and not the problem you believe it is. You will have to attack the problem as it is, not the problem as you would like it to be.
Hence you have to listen. It is our game tape to speak sports terms. You will have to reflect. Taking the shortcut and solving the problem you would like it to be will sooner than you think only put yourself back where you started. Same problem. The problem persisted. The problem didn’t go away. And yes. You will have to deal with it again. Now you have the choice.
Do you want to listen to yourself? Do you want to listen to others what they have to say? Do you want to define the real problem? Do you want to define the sustainable and to yourself true path moving forward?
I will not lie. Sometimes blind sighting yourself is necessary and comforting, but not as often as we think. I think the world in general needs to listen more. It is raising the vision and opening up our eyes. Sometimes what we see and hear is not what we want to, but it is what it is. At least then you act upon what the real problem and what the real world is…
Comments
I hear you. Listening is complex. It brings with it the reward of insight, inner and external vision, and understanding of others. It brings your enemies closer to your heart, as your mind receives their messages and envelopes them with a desire to understand, rather than criticize, reject or injure.
Listening brings people closer together. I hear you.
You want people to resolve their inner problems by listening to themselves and to others.
You want people to listen to you, too. And you want to listen to yourself.
You see listening as a problem-solving methodology. You’re a problem-solver.
You want to eliminate problems, which will then match your hypothesis … there are no problems.
But you see the inability, or rather lack of exercising the ability, to listen as a problem in many people you encounter. You want people to listen to each other and to themselves. You see that as a first step in resolving problems.
Of course, if you see listening as a solution, you must also see the problems that listening will resolve. If you see the problems, that undermines your hypothesis that claims there are no problems.
You see problems.
Am I listening to you?
Listening draws people closer together. We all want to be heard, to be understood, to be accepted and to be liked. But first, we want to be heard.
Listening to others and to ourselves affords us an optimum learning process. It’s free. All we have to do is shut our mouths and open our ears, along with our minds and hearts.
Listening is an activity. Listening to oneself can be difficult because we cannot lie to ourselves.
And if we learn the truth about who we are, how can we be critical of others? We find that we are no better.
The problems we hear when we listen to ourselves are problems only because we interpret them that way. They could also be interpreted as lessons. Sometimes we have to learn lessons over and over again before we determine what the lesson is trying to teach us.
Some may see that learning process as a problem. But if we listen closely to the person engaged in learning, we can understand why they are going through the lesson … even if it’s for the 5th time.
Listening is an interesting exercise because when we write, we listen to ourselves through the processes of heart and mind. When we are in the company of others, we listen using our eyes and ears.
Listening using the processes of heart and mind can be a fruitful exercise once we intake information through our eyes and ears. The opening of hearts and minds may be the obstacle that hinders true listening … even listening to ourselves.
In lack of a better word I used problem which doesn’t really capture well what I mean. I do not think we will eliminate problems by listening. Yet I do think you will find a more compassionate path by listening. A more true to us as a society.
If we are compassionate to ourselves, we will be very often also be compassionate to others. It’s then so much easier to be giving than not. Why? You are at peace. After all we share this world and I do personally think the right path is the compassionate path where we openly and generously share it. That doesn’t meant that the world nor us humans living here will be perfect, not have problems but at least we will address them compassionately.
I do in one way see that listening to yourself and others as a first step to resolving problems, yet that is not what I did want to put forward. I only used it as an example. I do think you make the mistake to believe I think problems, differences in values or opinions etc need to be resolved. They don’t. They however need to be admitted as what they are and with a clear mind admitted as what they are differences of opinions, values etc. Only then will you respect each other. That is not about solving problems. I do see how you can be led to think that from the entry, but that is not the key here.
The key is as in the clip from the Matrix. It is the desire to wake up, see what it is and then move from there. I don’t know where we will go but at least we will see the real world, not the world we want to see.
You can twist this into eternity but the key is it is a desire of me. I don’t postulate this as right or wrong as no one can. What I can do is to put it out there as it is. Seeing the world, my surrounding and myself for what it is, how it is and I am perceived. That is the first step to being more compassionate. That means nothing as far as resolving the problem and I do apologize for the choice of word there.